Hello again! Mentioning Grandma and 'girl talk' comes to mind. You're probably wondering why I would choose to talk about 'girl talk' when I'm a guy. Well, it's my Grandma and it's my girl we're talking about...my wife of thirty-four years...Madame J. So, let's get started.
J and I start dating our junior year in college and get engaged the fall of our senior. Our friends were both excited and confused. We both claimed as being just friends...maybe friends with benefits...but that's nobody's business but ours.
Friends kept wondering who was going to wear the pants in our marriage. DUH! That's a no-brainer. Obviously, we both would...as we told all of our friends. J would be going down the right side and I'd be going down the left leg. We both would be fighting for the middle. Nothing's changed, we still are!
Realizing we needed to break the news to our respective families, we decided to go visit Grandma S and share the news with her first. She had us over for dinner in her little four and half room house. The 'dining' room was in the center of the house and as such, was the hub for all of the family business and activity.
Finishing dinner, Grandma had me clear the dishes as she and my beloved walked a few steps away into the living room. Grandma commands me to bring in the dessert as she and J needed to have a 'girl talk'. I snickered silently as I knew what J was in store for. Grandma was known to be the type that just lays it on the line, telling it as it is or as she sees it.
We all were sitting snugly in the tiny room chomping away on some of Grandma's cake. She quickly finished and set her plate to the side. Clearing her throat, she spoke up 'J, Kenneth is not a jack rabbit'.
'Huh,' came J's bewildered reply. Again, all Grandma would say is that I wasn’t a jackrabbit and then stare the poor girl in the eyes. Finally, J answered back 'Grandma, I don't understand what you mean; Kenneth's not a jackrabbit?'
Without blinking an eye or missing a beat, she looked at my bride-to-be and flatly announced, 'He doesn't get on and get off in thirty seconds!' A bit puzzled and then surprised, J's lights flashed on and looked back at the woman and replied "Trust me, Grandma, he's not.'
With that, Grandma turned her head towards me and spoke with a hint of pride in her voice, 'thank God, I knew I raised you right, son. Your Grandpa, God knows I loved the man, but he was the sorriest excuse for a lover that any woman could ever have.' Then she jumped up and grabbed both of us planting gobs of smooches and hugs all over the two of us. We all busted out laughing and helped ourselves to a second piece of cake.
That was the end of the 'girl talk' and everything was right in the world. kG
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